By Anonymous, 34, Female
I read the article from Mr. A and then the reply from the next guy who seems so much more sensitive and realistic. I think it's important to hear from our side — the lady version of what it's like to be single, mid 30's, and a part of this amazing city.
Some things about me to level set — I'm 34, divorced (no kids), have a great career in the fashion world (shocker for NYC), and read The Sweat Life because my passion is fitness and the lifestyle of wellness and being healthy. I work out at boutique fitness studios about 6 days/week before my days begin, and end my days with a dinner or drink with friends, or a lucky gentleman I choose to share what’s left of my day with. If not, I'm home on my couch, watching TV and relaxing, because I would rather not waste my time with every other Tom, Dick, or Harry to amuse myself.
Maybe it's because I lead a healthy lifestyle that meeting someone at a bar every night doesn't amuse me. But the dating apps seemed to only fill my time with silly texts and the occasional ballsy guy to ask me to meet. I've used the dating apps in the past — Bumble, Happn, Hinge — but all of those apps seemed to be more of a game. If you matched with someone, you got so excited you would have expected a ticket to pop out of your phone. The majority of guys I would be in contact with, didn't follow through with plans to actually meet, they really just wanted a pen pal. While amusing at the beginning, I really don't have time to be chatting back and forth all day with you about nothing. If you want to get to know me, you would have asked me for a proper date, maybe even call to schedule it, because what I have learned is, men are hunters and they seek out what they really want.
Call me old fashioned, but chivalry is not dead in 2016 — a lady should be courted and treated properly and not expected to chase a man. I believe the men in NYC like to be chased for the ego boost. Everyone is "so busy," I get it, we live and work in this city not because we are lazy, we are hustlers. But that makes opportunity for the opportunist even greater. What's around corner number 1 might be better than corner 3 and so on. So when is it all enough?
As Mr. A mentions, he's dating everyone, has to lie about it to everyone, and remain mysterious — which is exactly what every other lady in this city is doing as well, shocker.
I will openly admit: I am currently dating multiple people, all of whom I met in real life, not on an app. Each one of these guys in my life is different in their own ways, but so similar. (Pattern much?) I actually had to make some cuts to the "team" recently because it was becoming too busy, mentally exhausting, and unsafe — as I do not sleep with one more than one person at a time (get your head out of the clouds). I've recently prioritized one over the others but I'm unsure of where it's going - if he asked me to be exclusive, I probably would, but he hasn't asked. And I will not bring it up - remember, I am a lady - and not desperate.
I would love to have a special one person in my life to share my everyday, do everyday things with, and build some sort of more meaningful relationship, but I'm attracted to very successful men (CEO's, CFO's, real estate moguls) who make their jobs their priority. So I make my life my priority, and when they ask for a date, I see what I can do. It's the nature of the city.
I'm writing this to you from Thailand, where I am on self-cation, after a long, 2-week trip for work in China. Something I have recently found important in life is to make yourself happy before anyone else. Because if you rely on others to do anything you want to do, you might be waiting forever, and never experience all those dreams in your head.
Would it be amazing to share this with someone? The answer is probably yes. But it would need to be the RIGHT person... Mr. Right... and I'm still looking for him.